Every soccer mom’s dream.


So, I was just sitting there, waiting for my interview for
my first retail job to start, and it seemed like a pretty long wait, because, A: I had just
moved from Balitmore to Washington, D.C. to pursue a long, glorious, lasting
career in video production, and little did I know,
the Capitol Hill area wasn’t really looking for a video blogger with theater experience that wants to do video production at that moment, so it was time to bite my pride, and look into other jobs. It also seemed like a pretty long wait, because I was the first one there. You see, the interview
wasn’t just going to be a one-on-one interiew, it was
actually a group interview, and the interview wouldn’t take place in some break-room, or
some manager’s office. No, the interview would take place right in the middle of the store. The store, itself, I can’t really tell you what the name of that store is because I’m pretty sure I
signed an agreement saying that I would never talk
about the interview process and name the store at the same time, but rest assured, it is
every soccer mom’s dream, it is every Type A best
friend’s favorite place to be, and your first-grade
teacher’s place of solace. So, I was sitting there in the
Office Furniture department, and all of the chairs,
that were from the display, were in a circle, and
at the end of the circle was this television set-up from 1993. The good thing about being there first was that I got to size up
my competition, per se, and also prepare my materials. See, as a part of this interview, we also had to complete an assignment, we had to find a product from the store, and then talk about how we would use it in our daily life. One-on-one, all the
interveiwees start coming in. First off, we have Sheila,
a middle-aged white woman, who is really into her
condo, so much into her condo that she finally got the stage which she talked about how she was on the board of her condo complex. And the reason, she
actually wanted this job was nothing financially, it was so that she had something physical to do, and thus, be able to
cancel her gym membership at the Brick Bodies, a
couple of blocks away. Secondly, we have Wilson,
a very old black man, and I have no idea how
the fuck he got there, because he had a limp that was so bad that it took him ages just to get from the front of the store
to where we were sitting. This is his second part-time job, his first part-time job is
as a substitute teacher. And the reason he needs this job is because he lives in
his parents’ basement, and he needs to take care of them, which, for that to be
possible, his parents would have to be 138 years old. I’m really worried that this is kind of like a psycho situation where there are just two skeletons in the parlor waiting to be fed. And lastly, we have George,
guy in his late 30s, short, Italian, slicked-back hair, but he also had this
weird Polo thing going on, where he’s wearing like a
yellow Polo shirt and khakis. I don’t know who dressed him that day. And the reason he was there was because he just moved
from Richmond, Virginia to Washington, D.C. to
start a brand-new life, and he just left it hanging. After the introductions, we had to start watching videos on DVDs, which of course, you know,
took 20 minutes to start, because the manager couldn’t
get the DVD player to work. And then it came time
to share our thoughts about the assignment,
and it was pretty clear, pretty quickly, that I was the only one that actually completed the assignment. So, as little catalogs were
being passed around the circle, I was saying my piece. And as I was talking about
how color-coded boxes would help me organize
my lighting equipment, I saw people that were
shopping at the store surrounding our circle, thinking that it was some kind
of organizing workshop, like, “Oooh. What is? What’s
going on here? What’s go…?” “Like, I’m, I’m applying for a job.” It’s like I was in some kind of play where I had the audience, and I had the cast of characters, and then I had the stage being this circle in the Office Equipment department. It was time to hear all the
other interviewees’ answers, and Sheila, lucky for her,
found a shoe-organizing kit. Surprise there. Bitch love her shoes. Wilson did the smartest
thing of the bunch, and said, “Aahh. Come back to me later,” knowing that the manager would not come back to him later, because the manager was ready to end this train-wreck of an interview. And then you see George,
whose face is just buried in this catalog, until he finally looks up at the group slowly and says, “Oh. I don’t know… I just keep thinking about what my wife would’ve needed, you know, when she was moving… my wife let me two weeks ago.” And then just left it hanging. Like, we didn’t know what to do. The manager didn’t even, like, go out and pat the shoulder of the guy (laughing) or anything. Either this guy needed
somebody to talk to, or is the best interviewee on the planet. Right, right after that,
we signed some things, and I just, kind of, ran far away. The manager told me that within a week we would find out if
we got the job or not, and I was never notified. (laughing) For a long time, I thought that, you know, my excuses of being a 20-something that needed a job, which is
kind of boring these days, that maybe my wife needed
to leave me or something. Three months later, I get an email from the general manager of
the store apologizing to me because, apparently,
they put my application in the wrong pile and
they had just found it. This store that was known for its organizational help and products has no office organizational skills. For the newbies, I run
a story-telling project called One Time Stories that is a bit… a lot better than this video blog in my humble opinion. Latest episode is right here. The big news right now
is that One Time Stories is about to be a part
of Elmify’s vlog tour for her book, “First & Then”, good stuff. What that means is that
the theme of that episode is going to be based
off of a theme I found while reading her book, “First & Then”. The theme is “Not What It Seems”, and I’m hosting an open
call for it, right now. If you have a story that
fits with the theme, “Not What It Seems”, please submit it to onetimestories.com/tellastory as soon as you can. The deadline is Wednesday, July 15. It’s very soon, less than
a week from right now.

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