FARGO AND GUMP | Everybodys Golf w/Ethan

J: Robin, quick! Zoom on that character! *angelic music for Gump* E: HUEGHH! E: All right, I’m ready when you are, big boy.
J: I’m smacking your knees. J: Oh my god, you need to CALM DOWN SIR. J: Oh no!
E: That little jump was so good! E: That was so funny! J: Wait – wha? What?
E: Oh… wait… E: Oh, you get to run around! E: You gotta play– set up your–
J: Oh hey, Crink! Your character’s just like ” UUGH! YEAH!” *laughs* What are you doing? J: Are you headbanging? E: Wait, I don’t know how to do that. E: How did I do that? I did it for like a second. E: Oh wait– OOH, wait… E: Ooh!
J: What are you doing? E: Uhh… hold on, you can…
J: Oh… oh, wait wait wait– OH yeah. E: Mutterings. J: *laughs*
E: I’ll give it a crack!
J: I’ll give it a crack. J: Okay, set up tee shot. HERE WE GO, bitches! E: Give it a good ol’ swang.
J: Oh god… we really should have tried this– E: No.
J: –before, oh god. J: Umm…
E: Hit it. E: Hit it like you mean it.
J: Okay, hitting it, hitting it… J: OH, that’s a BAD one.
E: I love these smooth rock jams. E: OH, YOU suuck!
J: Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh. E: That was VERY bad.
J: I’m in the fucking rough. J: Mm, that’s not a-good.
E: Mmm, in the rough. E: It is not very– You’re not on the rough, you’re on the fairway.
J: Oh yeah. Get started, boy. E: Alright…
J: *bursts out laughing*
E: Put it down– *laughs* J: Nooo!
E: *laughs*
J: That’s NOT a character! E: Ohh, it’s so good. Okay… raise the camera– okay. Here we go. J: Ohh, there we go. E: Alright, a big shot…
J: We’ll get it sooner or later, folks. Bear with us. E: Alright, ready for my big swang?
J: *coughs* Yeah. E: Here we go. Aaand take the shot…
J: Get it, Crink. GET IT, Crink. E: Oh, OH! Right before!
J: Come on, Gump–
E: I was almost perfect– AaH! A little bit too far to that side. J: Come on, Gump.
E: Mmm! E: We good!
J: *giggle* Your character just takes off.
E: *laughs* E: Yeah, it’s so funny! Just starts sprinting down the fairway.
J: *laughs* J: Just like, “HAH! I COME FOR YOU, BALL!”
E: *laughs* E: *sigh* Oh no! E: You gotta hit real hard because there’s a– there’s a little, like, MOAT thing. There’s a little river. J: Ha, there’s a little MOAT.
E: Ooh… ugh! J: My god, it’s so–
E: Ooh, yes.
J: It’s SO delayed from when I actually see it. E: Yeah. OhHhHh… very close. Alright. That’s a pretty good shot– E: A pretty good shot.
J: Oh ho ho ho, nipple nipple. E: *giggle* Oh, sweet nipples, boy.
J: Okay, we got this. We got this. J: I got this. Wait, how do I raise camera? J: Ohh, I’m going over here too. *strange laugh* J: Taaake shot.
E: Dude, sick posture.
J: Uh oh. Uh oh. J: Dude, I got nice ons.
E: I really like your pos– aww!
J: Oh, my caddy said “Good!” J: Oh ho! Oh ho!
E: Nice shot! J: Oh HO! HO HO! E: OHH– ohh–
J: *laughs* Oh my god, character, STOP. Oh jeez.
E: No, that was good! Look at you! J: Your character just did like a stretch with the club right into the camera.
E: Yeah. *laughs* E: AwWwWw… on the FRINGE.
J: The fringe of that grand.
E: Mmm… J: Okay…
E: That grand fringe, dude. E: Oh, you sucked a dick on that one.
J: I’m right on the fringe as well. *laughs*
E: *giggle* E: Ooh– oh yeah, you’re like a butt hair off.
J: *giggle*
E: Alright, here we go. E: Pretty close– aw, man. J: Not going in? No…
E: No, not quite. J: What the fuck, your character just walked into frame. *laughs*
E: *laughs* J: It looks like you shat out the ball.
E: Oh wait, don’t forget to change your club. J: I’m fucking on it. Okay, it’s going that way. J: And then it’s that–
E: It’s got a little bit of a tilt. J: Okay, I got this, I got this. Watch this shit. J: Umm… uh oh.
E: Oh, nice knee wobbles. J: Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh.
E: Uh oh, that’s a little hard, innit? J: Uh oh. *laughs* Look at your fuckin’ character. J: Just standing there, hands on hips, just like, “AH, WHAT’S UP, BOY?” E: Ooh, ooh, that’s a good one.
J: Hey, ‘sup boy? E: Do we get to go– ah, there we go.
J: Ah, poor Gump. E: Yeah– *bursts out laughing* Did you see my character FALL on the ground?
J: *bursts out laughing* J: It just happened now!
E: *laughing* Oh god, this game is great. J: Ah, Gump.
E: *giggle* E: Ah, what a sweaty(?) little boy.
J: Okay. Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh. J: Uh oh. UH OH. OHHH! J: Ting ting, par for Jack! J: *thumbs up* Ha ha!
E: It’s SO delayed for me. It’s just winding up the shot NOW. J: Yeah, it’s pretty delayed.
E: Shhiiit, dude. J: Okay, here we go.
E: AW, SHIT YEAH! Are you gonna customize your character? J: Yeah.
E: Sick. Hold on, I’ll be back. I have KitKats in my freezer that I totally forgot about. Both: *laughing*
J: Fuck yeah, KitKats, dude. E (with KitKats): Oh, make sure you fuck with the head size. J: Oh n– *bursts out laughing* J: Wait, I wanna get a snack. J: I did, I got snack.
E: You got a snack for your tummy? E: God, these feel-good tunes are really getting me up and ready for a good game of golf!
J: I am ready to jam. J: Okay, it’s time for Fargo to fuck bitches, get money. E: Fuck bitches, get money. That’s how Fargo do. E: Alright– Jesus Christ. *giggle*
J: Here we go. J: Fargo– Fargo’s ready.
E: Aw yeah, do them sprints. J: Fargo’s ready. Ohh, psyching myself up. E: *laughs*
J: Psyching myself up.
E: I love your hair! J: *laughs*
E: Your hair doesn’t move, it just, like, goes up and then STAYS there. J: Right. Down. The. SPHINCT!
E: Alright. J: WAPOOSH! J: Oh, nice earl.
E: God, it’s so fucking delayed. E: See, you ruin every– every golf experience because… E: You react to it before I even see it, so now I already know the ending of the story! E: Gosh! J: Spoiler: it– I was golf all along. E: AhHhHhHhHhH… *laughs*
J: *laughs* E: WHOO!
J: Oh, that– that little water in front of you is in the shape of an eagle! E: Aw, shit! E: Hell yeah. I wanna take a dip! E: Alright.
J: *laughs* Come on, Gump!
E: Put this right here. E: I’m going (x4). You can’t rush art.
J: *giggle* Stretch those calves. E: Eh… OH big… BIG, OH! The perfect strike! E: Ooh.
J: Uh, it’s not as far as mine, though.
E: My caddy gave me a wink. J: Not as far as mine. That was a nice shot. You– shut up, Yuka. J: Okay? You’re MY caddy. E: Yuka’s MY caddy!
J: Nuh-uh! E: YUKA! Have you been ssllleeeping with the both of us? E: *giggle*
J: Have you been sleeping with other balls? J: Okay… oh.
E: Have you been fondling many balls? J: Oh NO. Ohh NO. OH NO! J: WHAT? NO!
E: Did you goof it…? WHOA, mine went like, all negative for a sec. E: Wow, you FUCKED that up. J: I didn’t even know you could DO that. E: Wow. Seems like SOMEONE’S a bit bad at golf. J: *laughs*
E: *donkey laugh* J: Seems like it’s not Everybody’s Golf after all. J: Yuka, SHUT your fuckin’ mouth, okay? E: Ah– well, maybe if you hurry…
J: Here we go. Oh, the perfect shot. That’s too far, actually. E: Ooh, wow, that WAS the perfect shot. J: Okay, it’s time to– do you see the tornado in the hole? E: Uhh… I don’t think so. Well, I’ll tell you in a second when I– E: OH, I DO see it!
J: You do?
E: What’s that all about? E: What’s… *stutters* Wha– what’s that all about, innit? J: *giggle* Come on, bitch. Whaddaya got? E: Ohh fuck.
J: Does that mean it’ll suck the ball into the hole?
E: Did I get it? E: I hope so.
J: Oh (x3).
E: Ooh, that was pretty good. E: It was a nice approach. J: Nice on–
E: You just relax. J: I like how your character just runs after and looks down like, “No, BAD BALL”.
E: *laughs* E: Be very calm… take time with your swing, alright? Don’t rush it. E: There’s no– there’s no rush. We’ve got all day here at the golf course– J: OH YES! J: Oh, I– I fu– Oh, look at that booty! J: Ah ha!
E: Ooh… E: Ting, right in there. Oh, DAMN dude! J: Did you look at that butt?
E: You got a nice– nice little backdoor right there, wow. E: Alright, so we’re gonna go… a little bit that way. E: Uhh…
J: Whatcha got, Gump? E: Ooh. Ooh, I got that good good, that’s what I got. E: Aw, par.
J: Damn.
E: Ooh, I got that booty too! E: I think my butt’s a little bit better, honestly.
J: Ooh! E: I mean, I’m a little bit biased, but…
J: I just did a– I’m just in the background like: J: “Yeah. Cool.” *giggle*
E: *giggle* “Yeah, wow.” J: *laughs*
E: “Yeah, good boo– good moves.”
J: *laughs* Where are we running to? E: I think the next hole, we can’t afford golf carts in this one. We’ve gotta run. Exercise those caalves.
J: *laughs* It’s just cha– “Chase me, boy. Chase me.” J: Oop. Ooh. Ooh. Did I get that good ting? J: That’s pretty good, pretty good. *claps* E: Nice, nice.
J: Thanks. Thanks, everybody. Thanks. E: A little– a little golf clap for you.
J: Turns out– J: Turns out it’s Everybody’s Golf after all. *pop* Hole in one! J: Ooh.
E: That’s a good shot, dude. E: OH NO, IT’S NOT A GOOD SHOT! *giggle* E: Goddamnit!
J: Ohh ho, WATER hazard! E: Go right in the– uh, “drop at this location”? Fuckin’… duh. E: Jeez.
J: *giggle* “Fuckin’ DUH”. J: Oh god, that’s right– that’s right on the cusp for me as well.
E: Yeah, alright. Yeah. E: Right on the edge of the asshole, you gotta be real careful about that. J: Okay… I’m being conservative about this. E: Oh…
J: Oh shit. Oh shit. E: Are you?
J: “Failed to connect. Returning to Home Area”? E: Ohh noo! Fargo! E: You don’t have to be that much of a bad sport about it! You don’t have to leave.
J: That was a great shot! E: It WAS a good one. J: Motherfucker! We’re never gonna get to the end of this game! E: Alright… now I get to start the hole. J: Alright, cunts: here’s the deal. E: *laugh* Listen up, cunts. Here we go. E: Alright.
J: Puttin’ my ball down. E: UuUup, we’re right here, OoOh– E: Whoa, the wind is a fast one, innit? E: Pretty good, innit? Pretty good, not bad.
J: It’s not that bad, mate. I’ll give ya it. J: I’ll give ya it– I’m settin’ up my tee shot now, ya ready?
E: Yeah, I’m ready for it. J: Okay (x3).
E: Give it a little bit of a SWING. J: I’m gonna try… oh? J: Oh, almost a perfect shot, mate. Right down the middle– J: THANKS, Yuka. FINALLY you’re on MY side. E: Nice shot!
J: Nice on. J: *thumbs up*
E: Yuka claps for all. E: Think they’ve got crocodiles and shit in that– in that water? J: Have they got them there gators in that water? E: Think they’ve got them gators in there that’ll bite your little toes off if you take a nice chance with it?
J: OOH hoo (x10). E: OOH, you were VERY close.
J: Oh, I was a little Gumpy on that one! E: You were a little bit… ooh.
J: Gump– Gump, keep your fuckin’ legs down. Please. E: Alright (x3). E: Oh, we’re taking a penalty shot…
J: Did you…? Ohh, you took a plop. E: I mean, I might as well drop at this location, I guess.
J: Might as well.
E: Okay. E: Uh, okay.
J: Get at– Get ‘im, Gump. Get at it! E: I’m gonna (x4) try my best. J: *giggle*
E: Ooh, UP! And a OH! Ooh, I was pretty good on that one. E: Ooh… OoOoh… OoOoOh… E: GODDAMNIT! J: Did it land in the water again?
E: Fuckin’… yeah. J: That’s stupid. E: Ah, issokay. I tried my best.
J: But you’re getting closer! Hi! E: Yeah, I am. E: OH! That was the perfect swing for a perfect little boy, and I didn’t even hit a tree. E: Ohh. *kiss* It’s– bellissimo. Bellissimo. J: Ah, bellissimo! J: You’re lucky the wind was there, cause you would’ve landed in that bunk-bunk. E: God. E: Amazing.
J: It’s har– OH, that was a perf. J: You’re… thinking about treble clefs, for some reason.
E: Oh. J: Ooh, nice ON, dude! E: Dude, I am ON that.
J: *giggle* Gump is right behind that– J: Gump, get out of the way! E: Tryna to distract you. E: HEY! HEY, LO– LISTEN!
J: Get– get outta here, Gump! J: Hey! Listen!
E: You’re not gonna wanna go TOO hard on this one. E: Pretty close.
J: Okay, so there’s 40 remaining, and this thing gets 60 yards, so… 80% shot? E: Yeah… Don’t forget about the wind. J: *Whand.* E: That whand, dude. Respect whand.
J: Okay (x3), please be perfect– Oh god, that looks really far. J: *screams of victory* E: *screams of surprise* E: GodDAMN, dude!
J: OH, my TASTY NIPPLES! THANK you, tornado! E: That was a (x3) pretty good one.
J: Oh, that deserves a dab. J: You got this, Gump.
E: The power of suck compels you. E: Nooo!
J: You gon– oh. J: Oh.
E: No! Aw, f– E: No, bad (x3). Green, I’m on the green, I’m on the green still. J: *giggle* I love how you look at your ball disappointed. E: Eh! SHIT, I fucked it up!
J: Like “Fuckin’ ball”. Let me just convulse on the ground real quick, do my ritual. E:Fucking Bullshit
J: It’s gonna Be my Thumbnail J: I mean, I’m getting nice shots out the wazoo here E: Ooo, you are getting some good shots
J: That was pretty good. E: Good
J: Pretty good, pretty tasteroo E: Okay
J: Oh, you can go further, oh shit I didn’t even know there was another club J: Start
E: Oh? OHHH E: God Damn It I always mess it up on the back part. I want to get a good swang. E: I hit the tree a little bit. E: I’m on the semi-Rough E: Okay okay okay
J: Oh, you could do it here. *Ethan breathes out* E: Big one. OH! Potential! Potential! E: Get it right in there, oh E: Get it right in me asshole. E: But God Damn
J: Oh, just on the green J: It’s a sneeze on the green. E: Taking his big boy shot. J: OH-hoh! Oh do we have it. Is this the one? Is this the nice on? Is this the gooder? J: No, no, no, no bad, no J: How do you do things?
E: Time’s ticking hey fuck off Yuka. E: Ohhhh up against my nipples right against my nipples E: Yeah, what’s that tornado for, nothing. God damn double bogey. J: Your character actually just does that cuz they hate their life right now. J: Yuka’s telling you to just relax. E: Yuka was telling me to hurry up, she stressed me out. J: Oh, time to rip a shit on this one. J: Oh, potential hole-in-One territory. E: Potential… J: There’s potential in this. E:Oh-ho-ho-ho
J: Okay, oh. E: Uh, yeah you went a bit into the-
J: Oh, you fat fart. J: Your character is just like “hup baba duh duh I got it” E: *laughing* I just saw him do that. J: How do you do things?
E: Time’s ticking hey fuck off Yuka. J: Look out!!! *mimicking game voice*
E: God, such a fucking bitch. J: He blew it!!! *mimicking game voice* E: Ohhhh up against my nipples right against my nipples E: aaand are you fucking kidding me. God Damn it. J: That’s such horseshit. E: Yeah, what’s that tornado for, nothing. God damn double bogey. E: Maybe my character wouldn’t be dead if this game wasn’t a piece of shit. J: Your character actually just does that cuz they hate their life right now. E: I know. J: Yuka’s telling you to just relax. J: Oh. E: Yuka was telling me to hurry up, she stressed me out. J: Oh, time to rip a shit on this one. J: Oh, potential hole-in-One territory. E: Potential… J: Oh, potential…
E: Oh, boy. J: There’s potential in this. J: Okay, shut up, Gump! Isn’t even your real name, I know. E:Oh-ho-ho-ho
J: Okay, oh. J: Oh, no. That’s-that’s not a hole-in-One but I tried, okay? J: That’s not where I was aiming! E: Uh, yeah you went a bit into the-
J: Oh, you fat fart. Got It there Yeah Fuck There’s a Party Boxer alright Well Now at least i know Jesus Christ come on quick okay Now i know that i need to go a little bit more To the left Than You think it is okay this is where you make your Money back okay this is like a Buffet i’M Paying like full sent me of a la carte Crisis and you’re Just Paying it up Till It dude Kill It straight-Up commit Murder Make me call 9-1-1 all right all right all right all Right you Got This It was Just a Little Bit but It still has Potential God Damn tits i’m on the Fairway god did fucking It yeah i should Be Dead i Should Be Killed Marry Me Marry me oh? Big Big one in the skull big one oh i’m going Big oh I’m going Big oh That’s me? did you get it oh of course you did you fucking Asshole you got it Thank you tornado bro Now your characters Happy fuck Yeah dude uptime Finally High-Fives all Around okay Wait is that the Whole Thing What that Was like five moles Your card is Dead we’re going again and This time we’re taking off that fucking rain bullshit Hey Get Your chips Ready i’m going in sometimes i wonder What y’all skip that part Real quick dude dude let me fuck that Boy Is like dope your boss you’re Just like hey you mind if i take a quick break to Just go up fuck about Real quick Thanks Wait if i fuck that Boy okay you’re Ready for a Baby shore oh wait this is you Nicely Played All Right My Characters down there Going can You see me look at real coin Wait Yeah This That’s right Oh Yeah the Wind i did i did a Wind Whoo right on the fringe shit She said it Was like Wait where am i going What my Sweet Just look Weird Yeah What’s this All right The Master putter coming in Again With this Biggest horse in town Yeah Goddamnit you getting That Perfect Shit did you get it Just Staring At My camera Oh This is a Fucking Easy There Don’t hate with The sandwich? Sandwich What is the sad Way well it’s not it’s a a different wage but What’s with This fucking 80s Jam okay i got It rockin Yeah Just Rocking Out Every day of the week you don’t think we both Got that take a Win Nichkhun and When they can Like Wimbledon a Serve Yeah him again the sounding engine engines like a Bird horse but Fuck oh That Way that Was almost a Big Bad that Was almost a big bad but not. Too bad your your fuckup It Corrected the Wind You Curled It Left and the Wind pulled It right so you Just went straight Wow Amazing oh Where are you firing you crazy Wonderful Great Shot oh It’s like That Good Thing Because i suck more oh all right Just Relax Here we Go ting ting ting What What did you do in the back one Oh hey never stop improving Yourself never Stop never Stop it oh Damn You’re Just staring at My ball like no sir oh my god no you became a giant Next to it oh Titty Your character Just appears You Just materialized Come on come on go on That Green Green Pink or Girl Boy? My nose is Just Pointed Directly at Your Asshole boy Daddy Needs that Sweet tang Oh there we Go thank you you’ve Got all youR Beautiful Alright You okay you Big Beautiful Baby Look how it’s Just sprint to the next hole first One there Does not win first one there sucks my dick There okay you Always Make It the first One there’s like Whoa Dude starbucks Just Reply to me yeah? Cuz i’m talking about that Sweet Pumpkin spice Let’s Sweep Vsl bro Shit Get free Psls for life Starbucks sponsor Please i’d do it Fuck Yeah There’s Very Few Things that i’d Let sponsor me but coffee Hell That Would Be Amazing i won’t Just Go i’m going for a dude you’re Really you’re Really making a Big Swing Good Good Curve another Left There might be in the bunk maybe next over That’s Good Good oh No did you get it oh, no That’s Good That’s That Good ting oh? God Got me all hot and Bothered I’ll give it to ya Sick How so good Good Josh dude Now we’re even stephens again Alright Can You Get it oh, come on we’ve Been twinning all game You gotta Get this oh Shit Micronics At your disco Nice approach oh? That Wasn’t Bad though That’s Good he had enough Fucked it Up you might be in that Whole fucking patronize me okay They’re gonna hit it Big erect Winkie Yeah Beautiful Thank you you can move that Was Good Wow we’re very close again It’s like he Says look out you perv ha fuck that Was little Bit spooky there okay pressures on almost That Perf Thanks you okay you’re my Maiden Queen oh? Amazing Thank you Got Deep trench oh? Am i on the greens No, no Just Barely not on the green well you Weren’t on the Green last time and you Still got it in so That’s right Listen to those Sweet Rock-And-roll Jams it’ll take You all the Way to victory Fuck You alright in the Sandy Sandy Gotta Suck Dude it Sucks leave you, oh Geez okay Get back Here ball okay okay Hit It and then quit it hit It and quit it Just like You did to my mom Hi You’re gonna Hit the ball anytime soon Jesus cook oh? Fuck This appeared Right As You Swag god dammit oh Oh that One hurt but That One hurt Good painting ah? I think that One’s stung a Little Bit Didn’t It did you Get par birdie birdie Alright Alright Alright Alright Alright Alright Alright Alright This is my hole all for three My Cranky Bitches oh The Ball nice and hard did It did It Got It Thrown Thinking about Church That’s Why i do it. Oh Yeah are i liked orders i got Turtles Alright Pretty Fair Pretty Fair Pretty Fair But Wait for this Alright I’m Ready I don’t Get Your resources don’t get all YouR horses in a noose Wait for This one ah Not where i want to go oh Shit i didn’t Aim That’s What happens when you suck a Shit it’s alright it’s alright You’re the Fairway i’m on the fairway but can i win Mm-Hmm There’s another Man The one the beans are all on the table still for That True Church Oh i almost Ended up in that bunk bunk That’s that true true oh? Oh is this the One is this it could I Just straight and murder oh J: Ok, I’m ready, come on my spicy meatball J: The tree was like, “AHH!!!” J: I give it a little flick E: Ahh! God damn it! Fucking!
J: Oh ho ho, that sucks *Ethan baby noises* J: If you are the gump that i know and fear, you can do it. J: Did you get it? E: Oh, that was good, I got it on the green. E: I thought for a solid sec E: *nasally voice* a sneeze on the green E: Alright.
J: I got this. E: *laughing*bad bad bad J: Your character is just like “hup baba duh duh I got it” E: *laughing* I just saw him do that. J: Look out!!! *mimicking game voice*
E: God, such a fucking bitch. J: He blew it!!! *mimicking game voice* E: aaand are you fucking kidding me. God Damn it. J: That’s such horseshit. E: Maybe my character wouldn’t be dead if this game wasn’t a piece of shit. E: I know. J: Oh. J: Oh, potential…
E: Oh, boy. J: Okay, shut up, Gump! Isn’t even your real name, I know. J: Oh, no. That’s-that’s not a hole-in-One but I tried, okay? J: That’s not where I was aiming!


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