“Peanut: Can you hear me now?” | Arguing with Myself | JEFF DUNHAM

– You know what else pissed me off today? – What? – Tried using my cell phone. – Having trouble? – Just like the stinking commercials. Can you hear me now? How bout now? Now? Now? Now? Now? (Audience laughs) – You know when you don’t hear in those commercials? – What? – The other end of the conversation. (Audience laughs) (Peanut sputters) (Audience laughs) (Peanut makes static sound) (Audience laughs) – What the hell is this (bleep)? (Audience laughs) – You know what cell phones sex is? – Nope. – Can you feel me now? How bout now? (Audience laughs) (Peanut laughs) – Stop it. (Audience laughs) – This guy’s not getting any of this. I’ve been watching him the whole time and it’s all going (razor sound) I’m just kidding buddy what’s your name? What is your name? I’m (bleep) looking right at ya! (Audience laughs) – Aren’t I? – I think so. (Audience laughs) – Fix my eyes, ass(bleep). (Audience laughs) – It’s hard to talk to
somebody if they’re not looking right at them. – I know. – It’s like trying to talk somebody that’s got a lazy eye. You don’t know which eye to focus on. (Audience laughs) – Have you ever done
that? You’re sitting there talking to them thinking
aw crap should I be looking at that eye or that eye? (Audience laughs) – Focus here you moron! (Audience laughs) – (high pitched voice) What? (Audience laughs) – What if someone here has a lazy eye? – I’ll confuse them. Here I am. No here. Here. Here. Here. (Audience laughs) – (mouths) I’m sorry. (Audience laughs) – Do you know what Pesto is? – Pesto? Is it the stuff
that goes on salad and pizza? – Nope. Pesto it’s a magician with a hair lip. (muffled) and now. (Audience laughs) – (muffled) and now! (audience laughs) – What if somebody here has a hair lip? – (with lisp) thorry. – Oh stop it. (Audience laughs) – Boy what if they had a hair
lip thing and a lazy eye? They’re really gonna be methed up. (Audience laughs) – Back to you dude. (razor sound) – I’m kidding you right here in the blond hair and glasses
what is your first name? – (Audience Member) Terry. – (singsong voice) Terry! (Audience laughs) – What do you do for a living, Terry? – A business analyst. – A business analyst? Fascinating. (Audience laughs) – How the hell does that work? You go to a business and go mmm mhm mm (Audience laughs) – You are a business. (Audience laughs) (Audience members clap) ( Peanut laughs) – So where were we before this? – Before this we were in , uh, D.C – Ah, yes. Washington, D.C. Doing a show in a
theater. A lovely theater. Five minutes into the
show I had to look down about where you’re sitting. There was a guy sitting
right there where you are and he was facing that way. – Right. – And every time I said
something the guys went.. (Audience laughs) – And I go hey buddy what are you doing? And the guy goes.. (Audience laughs) – It was a signer. – Right. – A signer! Think about that for
a second. They brought a bunch of deaf people
to see the ventriloquist. (Audience laughs) – What?! What do you do next? Take blind folks to see David Copperfield? (Audience laughs) – The elephant disappeared! (Audience laughs) – It just (bleep)ing disappeared. (Audience laughs) – Oh my god he’s juggling
now. You should see- – oh sorry! (Audience laughs) – The hell are they thinking? – And this is in the
show and then this guys pissing me off cause I’ve never seen myself talk before. (Audience laughs) – And I thought okay I’m
going to get even with this guy. And suddenly
in the middle of the show I went hey, stop sign,
thank you, turn around don’t honk your horn, horseshoe, turtle (Audience laughs) – And this poor bastard’s
just signing away. (Audience laughs) – All the deaf folks are like.. (Audience laughs) – The hell’s going on? (Audience laughs) – Our guy sucks. (Audience laughs) – And then to really screw
with the guy I went.. (mouths nothing and laughs silently) (Audience laughs) – Of course now he’s just sitting there. All the deaf folks are like uhhh (Audience laughs) Come on! What are we missing?! (Audience laughs)

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