WHAT ARE WE EVEN PLAYING ANYMORE?! | Golf With Your Friends
Mark: Where did you go?
Wade: Candyland. We are on dunk. We are dunking on Candyland. Basketball dunks. M: The fuck?
Wade: Dunks M: Wait? Oh.
Jack: Wait. What do we do? What’s Dunk? M: No, that wasn’t a stroke! God damn it.
Wade: I don’t know I’ve never played it Bob: Oh, left click is jump, though. Holy shit. J: Woah, yes it is.
B: Is impact on or off? W: Uh I don’t know. Dunk is its own game, I don’t know what the rules are for it.
M: Fuck M: Oh goodbye guys.
B: Oh my god we have to make it into that? W: Yep.
B: Nooooooo W: Nooooooo
B: This is the fucking apocalypse. M: Oh boy. Okay. Well, I’m boned.
J: Well, you do jump pretty high, though. B: You jump high enough to do it. You just have to…
J: Did it! Did it. M: Boink. Oh fuck. This is going to be a fucking bitch.
B: Oh, dunked it! M: Oh! Nailed it! I’m the best! M: …I’m not the best. I’m in last. That is the opposite of what I am.
Wade: Wow *Bob laughing* *everyone yelling* M: Where am I?
J: What is life? J: Bob, you’ve got the perfect stroke. M: You have just had a real primo stroke.
B: Wait, did I not go in? M: Of all the strokes I’ve seen. God damn beautiful that was. B: Fucking god dang it.
J: I landed on the testicle at the back.
B: Got it. Double bogey. W: There’s a testi- Isn’t that ice cream?
M: No, no, it’s clearly balls. M: In Jack’s world, those are testicles.
W: My mistake. That one’s a testicle. W: That couldn’t even pass as a strawberry. Also, there is some cream on it. B: Oh. Wow. That’s, uh… Really bringing it full circle there, huh. M: Ho! Nailed it. I got in the hole.
B: You guys wanna see some shit? J: Fuck! M: Yeah, we do. J: You jump way too high.
B: Woooo. Oh no! Bounced at an angle. J: Haha angled it!
B: I can bring this back. I can bring this back, hang on.
M: Oh shitty dudes. Oh no. J: Ah, I landed IN the fucking- Fuck.
M: Ah noooo! M: Now that’s what I call a slam dunk! M: This mode is bullshit by the way. I’m just saying.
J: You said the last one was. M: Well everything about this game is bullshit. Playing with you guys is bullshit. J: What!? I went up through it and back down and that doesn’t count? M: No. That’s not how slam dunks work. Trust Irish, you don’t play basketball. Come on. B: Hey guys. How’s it going?
J: Yesss. W: Hey Bob. Welcome. Where have you been?
B: I’m here now. B: On my own adventure. Well, shit.
J: What the fuck was that? W: Well it looks like you’ll be going back on an adventure. See ya, Bob.
M: You’re doing great, Bob. I believe in you. B: I believe in me too. Just wait for it. It’s coming. It’s coming.
M: I’m waiting for it. J: Keep jumping!
B: It’s coming! Guys, it’s coming! *everyone cheering for Bob* W: I don’t think you’re moving! M: Bobblehead! B: Oh fuck.
J: You’re doing it.
M: Oh. You WERE doing it. B: What!
M: Welp, somehow that happened. J: See, it doesn’t count! W: I think you went through the wrong hole.
B: Oh, come on! Off the rim! W: Keep jumping, B- There you go.
M: Hey! I think I guess that went through. W: Oh, wow. I’m in the lead? I don’t know how that happened. M: Wait. Oh. Ok. I thought I had, I thought that gave… M: I was so used to myself being in the last place, I was like, hey, why do I have nine strokes? M: And then I realised that I don’t suck on this game. M: *girly scream* NOOOOOOOOO Oh, There’s a different ramp. J: “I don’t suck at this game. *girly scream* NOOOOOOOOO” M: Don’t make fun of my girlish screams. B: Hey boys.
W: (Wade celebrates by himself) I accidentally got a par! M: Boink! Yay, me too! Well, I intentionally did it because I’m good and not actually just by random chance. W: See you, Bob!
J: When you get underneath it, you can’t do anything. That sucks. M: “Can’t do anything…” *mocking mumbles*
B: What the fucking shit!? W: You must have like hit Jack or something, ’cause you changed course. M: Frick, dude.
B: Go ball. Go- NO!
J: Go. J: Go in the hole, ball. M: Hey. Do you know what I just saw? The butterflies are Pop-Tarts. That’s really cool. B: Oh for fuck’s sake.
M: That’s a good detail, guys. M: They’re toaster pastries. Look. They’re toaster pastries. You can see one on Bob’s screen. W: Oh look. The broccoli has stripes.
B: OH MY GOD. FUCK ME. W: Bob? Are you having a good time? M: There we go!
W: Nice shot, Bob! M: This is good, guys. This is great. B: This is good wholesome friendship fun time, you know.
M: Oh yeah, you know it is, Bubba. B: Oh geez.
J: Oh shit.
W: Well that wasn’t right. (So many fuck ups in one area XD) J: So that’s a thing. Go ball, make it up.
M: Oh Nelly. B: I shouldn’t have followed Wade. That was a mistake. W: I thought we had to go through those windows we saw- Oh, we can.
J: Oh, fuck yeah! B: Oh hey, what’s up? What’s up, Wade?
M: Yay! M: I got a bogey, guys. Guys, I got a bogey. Guys, are you happy for me? I got a bogey.
J: I also got the bogey. B: Good job, Mark.
M: Nice. W: I’m just going to go down the middle, trying to go through the windows is a waste of time.
B: Oh, come on! W: Oh please. Nooo!
B: Yay! B: I made it in! B: Yay
M: You got this!
J: Jump as you hit the top of the ramp! B: You have to jump, Wade. M: Wade, you’re doing terribly! Wade, you’re just sucking a whole load there!
*Bob laughing* M: Wade… Come on, now.
W: Fuck you.
*Bob still laughing* W: Would you like to rub it in any more?
M: I think I’m good. Anyone else want to pick up? B: You’re really underperforming on this hole, Wade.
J: Wade, you’re bad. B: Welcome to my life, motherfucker.
M: Welcome to YOUR life? B: Hitting the rim and bouncing further away, that’s my life.
M: Oh, okay. All right, then. W: Whoa, Mark’s in the lead. What kind of third dimension is this? M: Wait, what?
W: You’re winning. M: Yeah! I AM winning! ‘Cause I’m a winner, guys. M: AAAHHHH
J: Fuck! M: Yes, I nailed that. I did. Indeed, I did. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
W: *girlish scream laugh* J: Fuck the jelly bounces you super high M: HAH HAH HAH! Eagle Babies! Eagle! Eagle babies! Eagle babies!
J: Woohoo! Yeah!
B: I got a birdie? Whatever, I’ll take it. I don’t care. M: Ahhh, I’m slamming’. Slammin’.
B: Why are you murdering eagle babies, Mark? M: I’m not slammin’ eagle babies. I wanna be very clear. I’m just slamminʻ. Just slamming’
B: Slammin’ eagle babies. W: Let’s title the episode that.
J: FUCK! W: “Slammin’ Eagle Babies”
M: No-no-no-no M: Yeah! Yeah, that’s me! I’m slammin’ eagle babies!
B: Markiplier (unintelligible) slams eagle babies M: What? What of it? Yeah!
W: (laughs) J: That’s his- that’s his military name: “Slammin’ Eagle Babies” *Everyone laughs* W: That’s how he survived the vast wildernesses of… Chicago. M: Wilderness of Chicago yeah
B: B: Wait, how did the –
M: I was so mean! Jack left! I’M SORRY!! M: I’m sorry!
W: My guess is we were winning. He can’t handle Mark winning